6 signs you’re secretly attractive to others
Do you know the difference between a beautiful person and an attractive person?
To rephrase the words of an American politician Adlai Stevenson I centuries ago, “A beautiful person, mind you. But a charming person notices you.
We generally look for insufficient markers to assess our level of attractiveness. Let’s face it, like studies also confirmed that most people go to the gym because they want to look more attractive.
But what’s the point of going to the gym if you don’t understand the key elements that make you a truly charming person? Appearances can only go so far. If you don’t have the looks, you might have the character that wins hearts.
According to psychologists and experts, here are the key elements that really indicate your level of attractiveness.
Prepare yourself, because after knowing these signs, you will realize that you could be more charming than you think.
1. People violate your privacy zone.
According to Vanessa Van Edwards, According to the chief researcher of The Science of People, a human behavior research lab, people who find us attractive are likely to violate our privacy zone when they talk to us.
What is the privacy zone? 8 inches from you.
As she explained in an interview, if you notice someone likes to stay within 8 inches of you when interacting with you, chances are they’re attracted to you.
Think about it. Whenever you interact with someone you don’t like, you want to stay as far away from them as possible. In fact, if you could afford it, you’d rather not interact with them at all. Their energy alone makes you feel uncomfortable.
The reverse happens when you interact with people you find attractive. Because you like the way they talk, the smell of their perfume, their character, etc., you want to get closer to them because their energy attracts you.
2. People are happy around you
“Desire”, writes Robert Greene in The art of seduction, “is both imitative and competitive”. This means that we like what others like and are generally motivated to take from others what they find valuable.
This is partly why a man suddenly becomes more attractive to women when he often has beautiful women around him. And it’s also one of the reasons why people find you more attractive when others are always happy around you.
Take comedians for example. It’s really hard not to like them. Why?
Why, they give people joy. And when we see those who can make us laugh in a world where suffering is more obvious than anything, we would like to have them for ourselves. No wonder people are willing to pay almost anything to see comedians perform.
Therefore, if you have a personality that makes people around you happy, chances are there are plenty of people who wish they were around you more often.
3. People find opportunities to bond with you through touch
How you answer this question can say a lot about your personality:
When do you generally feel comfortable touching or letting a romantic partner touch you?
Is it after the first, second or third date? Or is it after a month?
Of course, the answer to this question will vary for everyone. But one thing is certain: you won’t feel comfortable with physical contact until you start to feel a connection with someone.
When people find you attractive, they’ll probably want to touch you often. It’s our way of bonding. It’s a reflex. We don’t even have to think about it.
As studies found, we know we feel good when we touch someone we find desirable. And that’s because touching someone you love causes your brain to release oxytocin, a hormone released by the pituitary gland into our bloodstream. And oxytocin does us good.
It concerns the violation of the zone of intimacy. When someone really enjoys getting close to you, they’ll probably soon start seeking physical contact.
4. People get lost in your eyes
Mutual eye contact can mean either respect or admiration. And if you pay close attention, you can tell which one it is based on how different people look at you.
Think about it. There’s a reason we like to fix our eyes on those we love.
First, we tend to look at the things we love. That’s why one of the best signs that someone finds you attractive is that you often catch their eye across a room full of people.
Second, when we find someone attractive, our brain releases oxytocin when we look at them. This is what makes our heart beat faster and our pupils dilate uncontrollably.
As studies have shown, there are a lot of messages we convey when we make eye contact with each other. As the saying goes, the eyes are the windows to the soul. Maybe that’s why people who have something to hide can’t make eye contact properly.
5. People tell you that you have a “good vibe”
The type of energy you give off is one of the most important determinants of your level of attractiveness.
Even if you’re not very good looking, but seem enthusiastic about life, people will see your level of self-acceptance as an indication that you’re proud of who you are. Your positive energy is what they will see, not your appearance.
As Vanessa Van Edwards explained, people look at your energy level to decide your interest.
Attractive people engage. They make you feel heard when you’re in conversation with them. They will pay attention to you and their level of enthusiasm will rub off on you.
Think of your favorite celebrities in interviews with Jimmy Kimmel or on The Late Night Show With Stephen Colbert. You can’t help but love the energy and fun of their conversations.
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6. You are genuinely interested in others
As bestselling author Robert Greene elaborated in his book The laws of human nature, one of the biggest obstacles we face in establishing good relationships with people is our tendency to quickly withdraw into ourselves.
We think about the things we can do to impress. Some guys will go so far as to memorize lines to get a girl to like them.
But all of these ways of managing social interactions have one flaw: they focus on YOU.
The most charming people go in the opposite direction. In Robert’s words, they see others as “an unknown country” which they will carefully explore. And this act of putting the spotlight on others works like magic. Why?
Everyone wants to talk about themselves. But only a few want to listen.
Therefore, if you are one of the few with enough self-control to go outward and let others shine, you are one of a kind. People will inevitably be drawn to you.
Don’t just strive to be beautiful; aspire to be a charming person. When you are charming, others like themselves more when they interact with you. It’s powerful.
Beauty can only go so far. Indeed, it will attract your attention. But if you want to win hearts, you have to learn the art of making others feel accepted and safe around you.
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Destiny Femi is the founder and editor of Growth Lodge, a relationship and self-help website. You can read more of his articles here.
This article was originally published on Growth lodge. Reprinted with permission from the author.